Jackson's Ally
by Imagination-Parade
Summary: When she makes her next public appearance, she knows she wants to be the Ally everyone had first met on a stage in Northern California, nervously singing a song she wrote in a parking lot while the man who was giving her the world grinned at her like she was the world. With the help of her father, her best friend, and even Jackson himself, Ally finds her way back to herself.


_This movie has just moved me so much, I couldn't stop thinking about what might've happened between Ally smashing up Jack's tour posters at their home and being ready to perform "I'll Never Love Again," so I had to wade into the little fanfiction pool we've got here._

 _This story sticks with the canon ending of Jack's death, but he appears in multiple flashbacks throughout the story (presented in italics), so he definitely has a presence here. Thanks for checking it out, and I hope you enjoy :)_

* * *

She didn't know how to handle the silence.

Ally's life had been many things over the years, but _silent_ had never been one of them. Music and the boisterous laughter from her father's friends had filled her home since before she could even remember; her jobs had always been noisy and a little chaotic, her current career no exception to that pattern. Even in her home with Jack, in the little hideaway that was more serene than almost anywhere else she'd ever been, there had always been something – the piano, Jack plucking the strings on his guitar, the tapping of Charlie's paws against the floor.

But now…now there was nothing other than her own thoughts and the occasional whine from Charlie to fill the infinite, deafening silence.

Ally stood in the middle of the house that didn't completely feel like home anymore, breathing steadily through the vacant look she now carried on her face. Her eyes found Charlie across the room each time they traveled back and forth between the two areas she'd been avoiding, the dog serving as her grounding force as he lay sprawled out on the floor by the back door.

To her right, the Jackson Maine posters curled into the destroyed frames still lying on the floor, the glass shards shining in the sunlight spilling through the windows. Looking down that hallway took her back to the uncontrollable anger that had sent her fist flying through the glass without a second thought as to what that might do to the piano-playing hands Jack had been so careful to take care of the first night he'd ever laid eyes on her. It had been more than a few days, and she knew she needed to, but she hadn't yet been able to muster up the energy to clean up her mess.

To her left, then, was the darkened room that ended in a single door, the door that led to the garage. Ally hadn't been anywhere near that door since the night she'd come home, expecting the worst, ready to yell at her surely-wasted husband for standing her up at her own concert, and discovered _the worst_ was beyond anything she had imagined it to be. The simple act of looking at that closed door twisted painful knots in her stomach, filled her mind with images of flashing red and blue lights, and threatened to steal the breath right out of her chest.

No matter which way she looked, as soon as she felt her heart beating faster, she'd tear her eyes away from the hall and find Charlie again, focus on him until the feelings subsided. Then, she'd look the other way, and the pattern would repeat. Ally wasn't sure how long she'd been standing there, slowly glancing back and forth between the two most explicit reminders that her husband was gone. It might've been thirty minutes; it might've been three hours.

She shuffled into the kitchen, the simple ability to pick her feet all the way off the floor becoming an insurmountable task, and grabbed her phone off the counter. Charlie perked up a bit as she sunk down next to him on the floor, ultimately dropping his head back onto his paw when she didn't grant him the attention he had been expecting and pulled the phone up to her ear instead.

"Hey, Dad," she said weakly when the call was picked up. "Are you out driving now?"

"Yeah," Lorenzo said. "But I'm headin' home, got the early shift this week. You need something, sweetheart?"

"I was hoping you could come get me," Ally said.

"Are you alright?" he asked with concern.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm alright," Ally promised. "I think I just want to come home for a little while. Is that okay?"

"'Course that's okay. That little house will always be your home, no matter how old or how famous you get, you understand?" Lorenzo replied. She'd paid off the handful of years left on his mortgage as soon as she could, so he chuckled and said, "I guess it's kind of yours now anyway, if you think about it."

"It's still yours, Dad," Ally promised. "You know, I'll have to bring Charlie," she reminded him, glancing down at the dog in question. His head briefly left the floor again at the mention of his name, his tail wagging just once before laying down again. Ally finally sunk her free hand into his soft fur, and Charlie leaned into her touch.

"Charlie's a member of the family, too," her father promised. "The more the merrier."

Ally delicately smiled to herself, a small sense of relief filling her. "So you'll come get me?"

"Something wrong with your car?" Lorenzo asked.

"No," Ally replied.

"Come over any time, honey," he said. "You've got a key."

"I can't leave," Ally said quietly.

"Whadda you mean you can't leave?" Lorenzo asked, the concern returning to his voice.

"The cameras…come on, Dad. It's all over the internet," Ally said. "Everyone's clamoring for the first picture of Jackson Maine's superstar wid…"

She stopped on a sharp inhale, closing her eyes to keep herself from succumbing to the tears that were threatening to return. She had started to say the word, but it caught in her throat before it could make it all the way past her lips.

 _Widow_.

She knew that word was what she was now. She wasn't Jackson Maine's wife anymore; she was the stunned and heartbroken widow he left behind when he hastily decided it was time to leave this world, but she wasn't ready to think of herself that way yet. She wasn't sure she'd ever be ready to think of herself that way.

They'd blocked the media from the services, Bobby releasing a statement that the private funeral would be for Jackson's loved ones only. Ally had managed to sneak in and out of a hidden basement door with a couple security guards. She'd remained inside their home since. Ramon brought her some stuff when he came to check on her. Bobby did, too, and so had her father. She did not want them to get that picture. Not until she was ready. Not until she could do it on her own terms. Of course, that only made them want it more.

She exhaled slowly and finished her sentence with, " _Wife_."

"They right outside your door now?" Lorenzo asked, anger creeping into his tone.

"No, the police set up a barrier down the street, thank god," Ally said. "But if I try to drive outta here, they'll be all over me."

"Alright, what can I do?" Lorenzo asked.

"Bring one of the cars you drive, one of the big ones with the tinted windows," Ally requested. "We can hang out here for a bit, and then I'll hide on the floor in the back to get through. They'll only see you coming to visit."

"I hate that you have to do it like this," he said after a short pause.

"Well, we wanted me to be a singer, didn't we?" she asked with a bit of unnecessary sass.

He sighed and asked, "What about Charlie? Won't the cameras see him and put it together?"

"He'll lay under a blanket with me for ten minutes," she assured him. Her voice started to break as she added, "He's here just laying on the floor right now, still waiting for Daddy to come play with him."

The pain in her voice settled into a dull ache in Lorenzo's chest. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

* * *

Lorenzo pulled into Ally's driveway, as promised, in a large SUV with tinted windows. His daughter opened the door right away when he knocked, and though she'd seen him several times since it happened, though she'd seen him as soon he managed to fight through all the media and emergency vehicles to get to her after the headline hit the news, she took one look at him standing in front of her and immediately broke down, the instant comfort she felt from his simple presence doing her in. Her face crumbled as Charlie barked in the background. Lorenzo put a hand on her shoulder and walked her backwards, shutting the door behind them as she fell into his arms.

Lorenzo held her tightly, one hand on her back and the other resting gently on the back of her head, softly shushing her as she silently cried into his chest. Charlie ran into the foyer, the barking finally ceasing when he realized the knocking on the door had come from a familiar face and not an intruder. He padded over to Ally and bumped his head into the back of her leg. Upon the gentle nudge, Ally pulled away from her father and wiped her face with the back of her hand as she chuckled lightly.

"You're so sweet, Charlie," she cooed, leaning down to ruffle his fur with both hands.

While she was distracted, Lorenzo glanced around his daughter's home. His eyes found the perilous hallway full of glass and broken frames and lingered on the makeshift barriers blocking each entrance. "Sweetheart, you want to tell me what's going on with wanting to come home?" he asked carefully. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Ally stood up from petting Charlie and angrily replied, "My husband killed himself in the _fucking garage_ ; no, I'm not alright." Realizing the tone she'd just used with the father who had dropped everything to come over and was only trying to help, she immediately closed her eyes, sighed, and whispered, "Sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," he promised.

"No," Ally said, shaking her head. "I can't…talk to you like that. Look, I don't want to sell the house. I just don't think I can be here right now." She covered her face with her hands and muttered through her fingers, "I just keep replaying the last everything over and over in my head when I walk into one of these rooms."

"What can I do?" he asked.

They decided to divide and conquer then, despite the fact that they had a little bit of time to kill in order to make Lorenzo's trip seem like a proper visit and not a rescue operation. Ally went to her bedroom to pack a bag or two for herself; Lorenzo started gathering things for Charlie, working from a list Ally had written out before he arrived. He finished first and headed back to the glass-filled hallway with a trash can. He kept all the posters – _she's going to want these someday_ , he knew – but carefully cleaned up the glass and stacked the ruined frames against a wall.

When he was through and still hadn't heard a sound from her, he made his way towards her room, his stomach sinking as he found her curled into the fetal position on top of her bed, softly sobbing into a motorcycle jacket. A few bags lay full and zipped shut next to her closet, and she'd swapped her leggings and Jack's button-down shirt for denim shorts and one of Jack's old t-shirts. Lorenzo didn't know what to do, so he just wandered over to the bed and simply sat down next to her. Ally's eyes fluttered open when she felt the mattress sinking beneath his weight. He shot her a sad smile when her gaze found his.

"You find all of Charlie's things?" Ally asked.

"Yeah, I finished that a long time ago," he said.

"What've you been doing?"

"I cleaned up that mess in the hallway."

"You didn't have to do that, Dad," she sighed.

"That hallway was a safety hazard; you kidding? You can't live like that," he argued. She finally returned the half-heartened smile before she let herself fall apart again, her eyes squeezing shut as she buried her face back into the jacket. Lorenzo ran his fingers through her hair and kindly said, "Sweetheart, let's go home."

* * *

A few hours after she safely made it to the sanctuary that she hoped her father's home would be, Ally walked with heavy steps back down the stairs, frustration bubbling inside her. Sleep hadn't been coming easily, so after her father nearly forced some leftover pasta down her throat, she'd gone up to bed, hoping the change of scenery might help her rest, only to find that the four walls of her old bedroom held too much meaning, too.

She'd closed her eyes, burrowed into the soft shirt wrapped around her, and found her mind flooded with a tidal wave of memories – the genuine surprise she'd felt when she woke up to find his eyes adoring her, the afternoon after the summer tour when they were supposed to be packing some of her things to take to his place but had tumbled into bed instead, their playful lovemaking punctuated with hushed giggles buried into warm skin as they reminded each other to stay quiet. The fact that Ally held no bad memories of Jack in that room, only loving ones, almost made it worse.

The time was growing late, but her dad and her dog sat on the couch together, watching a game on the TV. Ally's feet hit the ground floor, and she curled up her nose just as Lorenzo looked her way.

"You smoking in this house again?" Ally scolded. "I know I don't live here anymore, but come on."

"It was Wolfie," Lorenzo argued. "The guys came over for a bit tonight, but I made them keep quiet because you were sleeping."

"Yeah, I was trying," Ally mumbled. Back in the outfit he'd found her in earlier that day, she sunk onto the couch next to her dad and threw her hands out to her sides as she said, "Can't be in my room here, either." Stressed, she laid her head back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

"Why?" Lorenzo asked. "What's wrong with it?"

"I never thought I'd see him again," Ally admitted, picking her head back up. "But he came here to get me…woke me up and asked me to go sing with him. He changed my life in that room." She swallowed, trying to keep it together and said, "He's just fucking everywhere, Dad. He's everywhere except where I need him."

"This is my fault," Lorenzo said. "I shouldn'a just let Jack go up there without talkin' to you first. You had your concerns about the drinking from the get-go, and now look at you. In so much pain, you can't even…"

"Stop, Dad, it's not your fault," Ally said. "You don't have that much power, remember? You didn't know this would happen. None of us did."

"I just shoulda listened to you better," he said apologetically.

Ally swallowed again and said, "But I never had love like that before; I probably won't ever have it again, and I wouldn't have had it at all if you hadn't let him in. I wouldn't have _anything_ if you didn't let him in. I'm never gonna regret that, so stop feeling guilty."

Ally stayed on the couch after Lorenzo went up to bed, Charlie curling in the space between her feet and the cushions. She lay on her side, tired but still not able to sleep, and Charlie rested his head on her ankles with a whimper. She'd set up Lorenzo's laptop on the coffee table in front of her, one hand dangling off the couch to navigate through the computer. A folder with her name on it on his desktop caught her eye, and she clicked to open it, expecting to lose herself in old pictures.

Instead, she found a collection of videos – fan videos from concerts, talk show appearances, and various other things from YouTube – and her lips curled into a quick grin as she wondered who had taught him how to download everything. Ally scrolled down the list slowly; there was a lot of her on her own, but there was a lot of her and Jack together, too, especially from that first summer, when the man who was giving her the world looked at her next to him on stage like she was the world.

Ally finally picked a video and opened the file; Ellen DeGeneres had invited them on her show shortly after the "Shallow" video went viral and everyone began wanting to know who she was and where he'd found her. Jack hated stuff like that, but he'd done it for her. _The world wants to hear you_ , he'd said with pride.

The video started with them performing the song on the TV soundstage, and Ally laughed from her place on the couch as she watched them unconsciously abandon the separate microphones they'd been given halfway through the song in favor of sharing one instead, their faces close as Ally clutched the mic tightly in her trembling hands and Jack played his guitar.

 _Jack pushed his guitar to the side and clutched her hip from behind when the song was over and the audience cheered. She warmly thanked the crowd as she replaced the mic in its stand, and when she was through, she turned and threw her arms around his shoulders. Jack pulled her in and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before leaning his head against hers, lips aligned to each other's ear, her laughter a little infectious._

" _Oh my god." She wildly laughed in disbelief, just as she had done that first night on stage. "This is gonna be on international television."_

" _Sure is," Jack mumbled into her ear with a low chuckle._

 _Ellen walked over, momentarily breaking their spell, and Ally pulled back but remained cuddled in his arm. "Aren't you just…adorable," Ellen deadpanned, and Ally laughed nervously again. Ellen looked into the camera and set up a commercial break as she said, "We'll be right back with Jackson and Ally!"_

 _They moved over to the interview set and started again right away since the show wasn't airing live. Jackson sat closest on the couch to Ellen, and Ally was so nervous, she nestled her body as close to his as she could when they began filming again. Jack threw his arm around her shoulders, protecting her, and Ally brought her hand up, curling her fingers into his while Ellen re-introduced them._

" _So how did you two meet?" Ellen asked. Ally looked at Jack and he nodded, wanting this to be her moment to shine._

" _I was singing in a bar I played in every Friday night, and Jack was there after doing his own show, and he stayed to meet me after my song," Ally explained, hoping she was coming across okay._

" _She was too fucking mesmerizing to walk away," Jack muttered._

 _That broke the tension as the audience laughed at the profanity that surely couldn't be aired on daytime television, and Ally did, too. Her hand slipped out of his as she leaned into him and lay it on his chest, saying, "You can't say that on TV!" through giggles._

 _Jack simply shrugged, and Ellen said, "…that's okay; it'll give the censors something to do," provoking more laughter from the audience. "So you met in a bar she was performing in, and you've been together…ever since, right?"_

 _Ally nodded; it sounded a little crazy to hear their story told in those terms, and Jack said, "Pretty much, yeah. Took her a whole day to agree to come to the show, though."_

 _Muted footage from the viral "Shallow" video began playing on the large screen behind them, and Ellen pointed to where she was seeing it on a monitor in front of them. "Now, Ally, you didn't know he was going to do that."_

" _I thought he just wanted to show off for me," Ally confirmed with another chuckle, glancing up at the big screen the audience was watching. "I didn't know he was, like, setting me up."_

" _But you wrote the song?" Ellen asked. Ally and Jack both nodded. "Well, you have to record that and officially release it; it'd be number one for weeks."_

 _The audience cheered again as Ally, embarrassed, laughed and said, "I don't know about that."_

" _No, I'm serious. You're incredible," Ellen insisted. She looked out at her audience and said, "Isn't she incredible?"_

 _Another round of applause began, and Ally, even more embarrassed, felt her cheeks turning red. "Oh…thank you," she laughed, covering her face with her hands._

" _I think she's pretty amazin'," Jack added. Ally shot him a look and playfully slapped his chest at the compliment she thought she didn't deserve. He leaned into her ear and whispered, "You're doing great; you're so beautiful," words for only her to hear as he stroked his thumb against her shoulder. Ally's face dissolved into a thankful smile as the cheers began to die down, and Jack simply grinned back at her, beaming with pride again._

Ally paused the video there, at that moment. She stared at the look she had once loved drowning in, that look of his that radiated contentment and pure love, and cried herself to sleep right there on the couch.

* * *

The next morning, Lorenzo found his girl right where he'd left her, her body curled into as much of a ball as the furniture would allow. The computer in front of her was blank, the battery having died hours earlier, and he knew she was cold from the way she was sleeping, so he shut the computer quietly and plugged it in to charge, returning to the couch with a warm blanket. He was spreading it over her when her eyes blinked open, and a curse silently traveled across Lorenzo's brain. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her up when she'd finally found some peace.

"Thanks," she mumbled, pulling the blanket to her chin. Her eyes traveled across the table in front of her, searching.

"It's charging in the kitchen," he said knowingly, perching on the table to bring himself closer to her level. "What'd you find to watch on there last night?"

"Us," Ally said, her expression blank. She curled her chin into her chest.

Lorenzo brushed the faded red hair that fell over her face out of her eyes and asked, "Do you need me to stay here with you today?"

"No," she said. She looked him up and down; he was already dressed in his suit. "No, Dad. Go to work."

Lorenzo made no move to get up. He knew she'd say that – she always had trouble asking for help when she needed it – but he wasn't sure he believed that to be the right choice.

Ally rolled her eyes. "Dad, I'm fine. Go to work," she said. "I'm just gonna try to sleep a little more."

He stood up from the table, replacing himself with the television remote, and leaned down to kiss her hair. "You call me if you change your mind," he said. Ally nodded in promise.

She never called, and when he made it home that evening, a bag full of takeout dinner in his hands, sounds of the piano hit his ears as he neared the front door. A perceptible sigh of relief escaped his lips; if she had gotten herself to the piano, he thought, that was a sign she was doing okay, but when he opened the door, he found her somberly sitting on the little bench, slowly and mindlessly tapping out single notes that he eventually realized belonged to "Shallow."

He couldn't help his face falling a little at the discovery. He hoped she was working on something new – the world's best heartbreak song, perhaps, but part of him was just happy to see her sitting there at all. He joined her on the little bench, facing the opposite way, and said, "It's nice to hear you playing, sweetheart."

Ally pulled her hands away from the keys and shook her head. "I'm not really playing."

"Sure," he said. "But I'd be more worried about you if you weren't touching it at all."

"Are there cameras outside?" Ally asked.

"Here?" Lorenzo asked.

"Yeah," Ally replied. "I've been too scared to look."

"Nobody's out there," Lorenzo said. "Why would they be?"

"Well, I was just thinking that there was coming and going, you know? When I was at the house…you came over. Ramon. Bobby," she explained. "There's no coming and going now. Eventually, they're going to put it together that I left."

He nodded and gripped her arm in sympathy. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay?" Ally nodded. He held up the bag of dinner and asked, "Have you eaten today?" Ally simply blinked at him, looking a little ashamed to tell him the truth. He pointed to the kitchen and ordered, "Go sit down."

* * *

Ally felt herself returning to the conscious world, and she groaned, thinking it couldn't possibly be morning already. For once, she was right, the world still dark outside as strong arms lifted her off the plush cushions she'd purposely settled into not long before. Lorenzo was in the process of scooping her off the couch, a task he was finding a lot more difficult to accomplish than it'd been twenty years ago, despite her small stature.

" _Dad_ ," she groaned. Despite her protest, her arms instinctively twisted around him. "I was sleeping…what the hell are you doing?"

"You can't keep sleeping on the couch," he said as he carried her towards the stairs.

"You shouldn't be picking me up like this," Ally scolded. "Your back…"

"My back is fine; I'm just taking you upstairs."

"I don't wanna go –" Ally started to argue.

"I was takin' you to _my_ room, alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, where are you gonna sleep?" Ally argued.

"Your room," he shrugged.

"My bed's not big enough for you, come on; don't be ridiculous."

"I'll manage," Lorenzo promised.

"And why are you carrying me?" Ally asked. "What's with that?"

"I didn't wanna wake you up!"

"You really thought _that_ wouldn't wake me up?" Ally asked incredulously.

"Now, listen," Lorenzo said. "I am your father, and I get to take care of you for the rest of my life, you hear?"

"Alright, alright," Ally sighed. "Put me down; I can walk."

He loosened his grip on her and leaned down, helping Ally's feet find the floor on the step above the one he was standing on. Before they could go any further, Charlie sleepily wandered over from the couch. He put his two front paws on the bottom step and looked up at them, waiting for permission. Ally knew he wanted to be near her, even at night. Since Jack died, his dog bed on the floor of their room didn't seem to be close enough anymore, like he knew she wasn't really okay. Ally looked down at her pup and sighed.

"Can Charlie come to your bed, too?" she asked.

"If I say yes, you'll go up there?" Lorenzo asked. Ally nodded. Lorenzo looked at the dog and gestured up the stairs with his head. "Come on, Charlie."

* * *

 _Jack left his guitar on its stand as he and Ally waved at the cheering crowd and hurried offstage, hand-in-hand. As soon as Jack thought they couldn't be seen anymore, he turned around and grabbed her, one arm around her waist holding her tightly against his body. She chuckled in surprise, her breath heavy from the exhilaration of playing another show, and though most of her dark tresses were tied up in a high ponytail, he looked down at her and brushed some of the sweaty hair that framed her face out of her eyes._

" _What?" she asked with another laugh as he simply stared at her. "C'mon, we only got a few minutes."_

 _The cheers on the other side of the stage continued, begging Jack for an encore. "That's okay," he mumbled, leaning in to touch his forehead to hers._

" _You…don't wanna get a drink?" she asked with surprise._

" _Maybe I'm more interested in you right now," he said, pecking her lips. She looked at him as he pulled away, not sure what to make of the unusual behavior. The time between the last song and the encore usually ranked among their most hectic stage moments as they caught their breaths, got something to drink, and got ready to go back out there, leave the audience with something unforgettable. He grinned at the dubious stare she was giving him and said simply, "I love watchin' you out there."_

" _You're watchin' me?" she asked, raising a single eyebrow at him. Sometimes she felt his eyes on her when she was singing. Sometimes she was so caught up in the music, she didn't notice anything. She didn't know he was watching on purpose._

" _You're just so…free or something. Happy. Shit, I don't know," he said. "Fuckin' beautiful."_

 _Ally tangled one hand into his hair, gently maneuvering his head until his chin pointed down, his eyes aligned with hers. Her other hand rested against his chest. "You've given me everything I've ever wanted," she said sincerely, hoping he'd realize she meant more than just the singing on the big stage._

 _His hold on her tightened, and the hand on his chest slid up around his shoulders, elongating her body against his as he zealously kissed her, his tongue wasting no time sliding past her lips. His other arm came around her hip, hand slipping halfway into one of the back pockets on her jeans. Ally returned his passion, their lips moving in harmony until someone started calling his name. Jack gently tugged on her lip as she reluctantly pulled away, their stolen moment between songs over._

" _Up for one more song, Cowboy?" she flirted, straightening the collar of his shirt._

" _Okay, but just one," he replied, leaning towards her lips again. He muttered, "You and I've got better things to do," before capturing them in one more kiss._

The knock on the front door pulled Ally out of her memories the same way the first notes of their song from Jack's band had pulled them out of their apparently-not-so-hidden backstage moment. She paused the video, leaving their past selves still a little wrapped up in one another, as Charlie scrambled down the stairs, barking at the new arrival. Ally carefully pulled back the blinds in her father's bedroom to double check who was outside and followed after Charlie.

"Ally!" Ramon called, sending a second knock reverberating throughout the room.

She held Charlie by the collar with one hand while she used the other to unlock and open the door, standing behind it as she let him in, staying out of view.

"Still nobody out here but me, baby," Ramon promised as she shut the door behind him. Charlie kept barking. "Your little monster forgotten me already?"

Ally, already down on Charlie's level, gently grabbed the dog's face and said, "What are you doing, huh? You know Ramon." Charlie barked at _her_ next, and Ramon laughed as Ally's face hardened into a surprised glare. Charlie stood his ground with a small growl, and she broke into a grin as she playfully pushed the dog's snout to the side. "Silly dog," she said.

With one last repressed bark, Charlie laid down by Ally's feet. When she stood up, Ramon moved in for a hug, and they kissed each other's cheeks as they embraced.

"Thank you for coming over," Ally said sincerely.

"I would've come by sooner if I had known you were so close," he said. "You look good."

"Yeah, well, I haven't cried yet today," Ally said, dismissing the compliment. "Did you get the stuff?"

"Oh yeah," Ramon said. He held out the bags containing the items she'd called and requested he bring her and said, "Here you go."

The bags were heavier than Ally expected, so she opened the handles and peered inside. "There are five boxes in here; how much hair do you think I have?" she asked.

"I wasn't sure which one would be the best match, so I just…" Ramon explained.

"Got five?" Ally asked. "Really?"

Ramon shrugged, and Ally shot him a small grin before she turned and headed back up the stairs. Ramon followed, Charlie hot on their heels. When Ally pivoted into her father's bedroom instead of her own, Ramon asked, "Am I allowed in here?"

"We switched rooms," Ally said. "Temporarily. Come in."

"Why?" Ramon asked, tentatively entering the room.

"Because this is just Dad's room, and _that_ ," she said, pointing towards her closed door. "Is where Jack asked me to come sing with him."

"I got you," Ramon said with sympathy. He sat down on the corner of her father's bed as Ally dumped the various boxes of hair dye he'd brought her across the other side of the mattress. "So what brought this on?"

"Oh, you know…" Ally shrugged, not really answering.

As she examined the boxes, Ramon glanced towards the computer sitting near the pillows of the rumpled bed. She had her father's Ally folder pulled up again on the left side of the screen, the video playback program pulled up and paused on the right; highlighted was a saved video from YouTube, shot by a fan with a decent zoom feature from the very far side of a venue, titled "Jackson Maine & Ally Backstage Makeout!"

"Aw, man," Ramon laughed. "I knew I shouldn've taught your dad how to save that stuff."

Ally looked up from what she was doing with a smile. "I wondered if that was you," she said among her light laughter. She shook her head and said, "That title's just clickbait. It's nine minutes of playin' and one minute of kissing."

"Your dad still clicked on it," Ramon pointed out.

Ally chuckled again. "I think he just saved everything he could find with my name on it."

"He's fucking _proud_ of you, girl," Ramon said.

"Yeah," Ally replied softly. She held out two boxes and asked, "Which one?"

Ramon glanced back and forth a few times before he said, "They look the same to me."

Ally rolled her eyes and chose one on her own after a final glance. She tossed the rejected shades back into the bag, gathered up everything she needed, and headed for her bathroom. Ramon scrambled off the bed and ran after her.

"Wait, you're gonna do this right now?" Ramon asked with surprise.

"No, I just had you buy all this crap for fun," Ally said sarcastically.

"Your manager's not gonna like this, mama."

"Well, fuck him," Ally replied, never slowing back.

"Ally," Ramon said with concern, stopping a few feet away from the bathroom. This strong-willed personality wasn't new, but he didn't want her to make any rash, damaging decisions.

Ally sighed, dumped the supplies on the bathroom counter, and spread her hands across the porcelain surface. She took a deep breath and admitted, "I'm scared I did this to him."

"Jackson?" Ramon asked softly, coming up to the doorway.

"He said something…" Ally explained, looking at herself in the mirror. "I let it go at the time, but now I can't stop thinkin' about it. He put this chorus in my songbook, this _beautiful_ love song he wrote for me…but when I asked him about it, he said he hoped I'd find it when I came back to myself."

"What does that mean?" Ramon asked.

"He hated it," Ally said, turning to her best friend. "The music I'm making on my own, he hated it."

"Maybe he just hated everyone checking out how his ass looked in those jeans all the time," Ramon teased.

Ally shot him a look, held the expression for a few seconds, and said, "You know I was _trying_ to write a radio hit, right? That's one li…that's not even what that song is about!"

"Girl, you know that song's my jam," Ramon said. "Don't look at me like that."

"He said he _failed_ me," Ally told him. "But it's still my music, you know; they're still my songs and my words, but Jack…the whole fucking album's about him, and he hated it so much, he…"

Ramon stepped forward and gently grabbed each of her arms. "This wasn't your fault, baby girl. Something like this is bigger than that."

Ally nodded. She knew that. His demons had plagued him far longer than she'd known him, and she knew that. She just wished she could _feel_ that, too. Ally shimmied out of Ramon's grasp and walked further into the bathroom, taking a seat on the side of the tub. "And now I hate him for doing this to me," she said softly, as if vocalizing the thought out loud made her a terrible person.

Ramon leaned against the door frame and said, "No, you don't."

"No, I do," Ally said with conviction and a nod, her head quickly popping back up to meet his eyes. Her face softened as she continued, "A little bit."

"So you're doing this because you feel guilty?" Ramon asked.

"No, I'm doing it because Jack was right! Sort of. I like my music, you know. I'm proud of that, but the orange hair and glitter makeup and fucking battle choreography that just hurts my body…I did what they told me I needed to do to succeed, and I lost the part of myself that doesn't need all of that, the part that's just _talented_ , the part that Jack got me to believe in," Ally explained. "I don't want to be Rez's manufactured Ally anymore. I just want to _sing_ and write and be Jack's Ally. The one he saw from the beginning. Even if he's not here to see it now."

Silence hung in the air in the small bathroom for a moment before Ramon stepped inside, grabbed the box of hair dye, and opened the top. "How can I help?" he asked.

Ally stood up and nodded towards the spot she'd just been sitting. "Just sit here and talk to me about something that's not my husband or how I'm doing," she requested.

* * *

Charlie heard her coming before Ramon did, his head lifting from its place in the young man's lap. Ally smiled from the top of the stairs as she heard Ramon's chuckles and Charlie's tail thumping against the back of the couch in anticipation.

"She'll be down soon," Ramon promised. "Your mama's gonna look _so_ good!"

His head turned towards the stairs as he, too, finally heard Ally coming. She stopped at the bottom of the staircase and asked, "Well?" with a small shrug.

Ramon smiled as Charlie hopped off the couch and walked over to her. Ally stood waiting for Ramon's opinion in a cropped sweater and a pair of comfortable lounge shorts, wearing all her own clothes for the first time since the funeral. Her newly brown hair, still a little damp, hung loose around her shoulders. "Welcome back," Ramon said.

Ally grinned and looked down to Charlie, who had stopped just short of coming all the way up to her. "Hey," she said in playful voice she sometimes used when talking to the dog. "You remember me like this, don't you?"

As soon as Ally leaned down, Charlie jumped down close to the floor, ready to run. Ally played along, lunging forward at him, and Charlie went running across the house, into the dining room. Ally followed, chasing the dog all the way around the table and back around again when he abruptly changed directions and charged past her, pulling a surprised yelp from Ally's throat.

Right when Ally re-entered the living room, chasing Charlie back towards Ramon and the couch, the front door swung open as Lorenzo returned from work. She straightened up, her face sobering as if she was a child who'd just been caught doing something she shouldn't have been doing. Lorenzo paused for a moment in the doorway, his eyes lingering on her in a bit of wonder, before swinging the door shut.

Her father walked over, cupped her chin in his palm, and pulled her head up to look at him. He took in her naturally-colored dyed hair and her fresh, bare face, and said, "There she is," with a wide smile.

Ally felt herself deflating in his grasp. "Was the other hair really that bad, guys?" she asked.

"Not bad, baby, just different," Ramon declared from his place on the couch.

"You're always beautiful, but this…" Lorenzo said, nudging her chin to look at him again.

"Thanks," Ally muttered.

"You're feeling pretty good today, aren't you?" Lorenzo asked, encouraged by more than just the changed appearance.

"For the most part," Ally said, a little guilt slipping through her voice. "Is that alright?"

"It's gonna be up and down, sweetheart," Lorenzo said, pulling her towards him to kiss her forehead. "Take the good days when you get them."

* * *

Ally's good day seemingly ended when the day itself turned into another. Lorenzo, upstairs in her bedroom, was getting ready to lay down for the night when Ally's voice began traveling up the stairs. He stopped and smiled to himself, the expression equal parts disbelief and delight.

As far as he knew, it was the first time she'd even _tried_ to sing since Jack died, adamantly refusing to sing something at his funeral when the idea had been brought up. She wasn't playing the piano; she seemed to be just walking around singing, Charlie her only and captive audience. The volume of her singing increased and decreased in Lorenzo's ears as she moved around the ground floor, seemingly walking to and from the living room. It was something she did when she was just trying to work out words. He'd always known music would likely play a significant role in his daughter's healing; her singing had to be a step in the right direction.

Momentarily abandoning his bedtime plans, Lorenzo stepped into the hallway to get a better listen of the voice he'd missed hearing in his home since the day she'd run off to tour with Jackson Maine. As soon as her voice picked up and he was able to make out the words coming out of her mouth, however, a piercing uneasiness fluttered across his being.

 _But all I really know,  
You're where I want to go.  
The part of me that's you will never die._

Lorenzo had perhaps naïvely thought he was done with new parenting challenges when Ally had entered her 30s. Navigating the waters of new and fast fame had been one wholly unexpected thing; trying to figure out how to help her grieve her husband was something else entirely. He fell against the wall as he debated going down there to check on her, the lyric about Jack being where she wants to go ringing in his mind. Was there something cathartic for her about that song, about those particular lyrics? Or was singing it loudly enough for him to surely hear her a veiled cry for help?

 _So when I'm all choked up, and I can't find the words…  
Dreams of you and me are in the dirt._

A loud shattering followed the bitter new lyric's escape from Ally's lips, and Lorenzo hurried down the stairs, calling her name. When the living room came into his view, he realized she'd thrown her glass across the room in a fit of rage; ice cubes lay scattered among the fragmented glass on the floor, and water dripped down the wall. Charlie stood up on the couch, barking, startled by the noise and pulled from the sleep Ally's voice had been lulling him into. Lorenzo called her name again, thinking she probably hadn't heard him amid the chaos that was the scene downstairs.

"I'm fine!" Ally called back, trying to clean up the mess with shaking hands. "I'm okay. I'm sorry. I'll replace it. I'm so sorry."

He placed his hands on her shoulders after her last desperate cry. "Hey," he said softly. "I don't care about the stupid cup, a'right? C'mere."

She stood back up and turned around, meeting his caring eyes with her distressed ones. "I'm sorry," she said again. "It makes me so angry sometimes."

"I know, sweetheart," he said, running one hand against her shoulder in consolation.

"I just miss him so much," Ally said softly, her heart breaking.

"I know," Lorenzo said, matching her tone.

"How could he not know what this would do to me?" she nearly yelled. Ally stopped and took a deep breath, trying to keep herself from tears. "I just want to know _why_ , Dad," she pleaded, her volume back to normal. "I just…I…I'd give anything to just know why."

"C'mere," he said again, walking with her to the couch, where Charlie had calmed down and curled his body into the corner.

"I almost made it a whole day," Ally cried, frustrated with herself for the hot tears that finally spilled down her cheeks as soon as she sat down.

"You'll get there," he promised. He knew she might not want to answer his next question, but she'd seemed happy, the mini-makeover completely turning her spirits around that evening, even after Ramon had left for work, so he had to know, "What happened?"

She dried her eyes and took a long, shaky breath, reaching for the laptop situated on the corner of the coffee table. "I found something I'd forgotten about," she said, turning the screen around to face them.

" _What are you doing?" Jack asked with a chuckle as she held up her phone and started recording._

 _A music festival in Georgia was next up on their touring schedule; Jack and Ally had hung around the stage as it was set up in anticipation of the next day's performance, Ally tinkering with the instruments to make sure they were ready to go, even though Jack knew she'd test them all over again at the sound check the next morning. They'd decided to hang around and watch the sunset after the stage hands had gone, and Ally sat between Jack's legs on the stage, his knees bent up around either side of her as they stared out across the empty field, watching the evening colors light up the sky._

" _The sunset's so beautiful," Ally said. She'd never felt as at peace as she did right there, resting in Jack's arms, his chest strong behind her back. One of his hands rested on the stage behind them, supporting them both, while the other curled tightly around Ally's body and landed on the opposite side of her waist. A warm summer breeze caressed their entangled bodies._

" _So take a picture," he mumbled. He'd never really liked video cameras much._

" _Picture can't capture the atmosphere," Ally insisted. "Besides, then I can't do this."_

 _She tapped her screen and switched the camera from the one facing out to the one facing them, bringing their faces into view on Ally's phone screen. He cringed and looked away, and Ally let out a low giggle._

" _Shit, Ally, put that thing down," he groaned._

" _What? You don't think we look good together?" she asked, looking back at him, the phone still recording._

" _We look damn good together," he agreed. He bent his neck to kiss her cheek, and when his lips touched her soft skin, she closed her eyes, her head falling against his. Jack pulled away and opened his eyes, catching a glimpse of their faces still on her screen. "Fuuuuuck," he moaned, burying his face in her neck._

 _Ally laughed again and turned the recording back around to the sky. "Okay, okay, I turned it back around," she promised. "One more minute. I just want to remember this."_

" _You'll always remember this," Jack protested, kissing her neck as he picked his head back up. "I'm always gonna remember us like this."_

" _Oh!" Ally whispered suddenly, her eyes widening slightly._

" _What?" Jack asked._

"' _When the sun goes down, and the band won't play…I'll always remember us this way,'" Ally sang softly._

" _Something you're working on?" Jack asked._

" _Yeah, maybe," she said, keeping her tone quiet._

" _Got anything else?"_

" _Not really," she said. She flipped the camera on her phone back towards them. A strangled groan escaped Jack's throat when his face popped up on the screen again. "Got any more inspiration for me?" she asked, looking back at him again with a little gleam in her eye._

" _I'll kiss you if you turn that thing off," he promised. With one more laugh, Ally reached for the record button._

Tears prickled her eyes again, but she blinked them back, refused to let them fall. Father and daughter sat in silence for a moment before Ally quietly asked, "Where did you get this?"

"Jack sent it to me," Lorenzo said.

"When?" Ally asked.

"The next mornin', I think," he replied.

"I…can't believe he sent you something so intimate," Ally said, shaking her head slightly. "I mean, I don't mind, but he spent the rest of the night trying to get _me_ to delete that," she recalled with a laugh.

"You called me all the time while you were travelin', but Jack thought I'd like to _see_ that you were doing okay. _More_ than okay. From someone other than a random fan on the YouTube," Lorenzo explained. Ally smiled sadly; that was the sweet man she'd fallen in love with. As if he were reading her thoughts, Lorenzo said, "He was a good man, Ally."

"Did you really think so?" she asked him softly.

"You don't believe me?" he replied.

"Well…it's just…y'know…towards the end," she said. "And the Grammys."

Lorenzo took a breath as he honestly said, "Sweetheart, there were times I wanted to hit him with one of those big cars out there for upsetting you the way he did, but yeah…he was a good man."

"You wanted to run my husband over with a car?" Ally asked, her eyebrow raised.

"Only a couple of times!" Lorenzo said in defense. "I loved how much he loved you; he and I had that in common, y'know?"

"You just told me you wanted to hit my husband with a _car_ ," Ally said, laughing at the absurdity of her father's honesty.

Lorenzo chuckled. "Well, you asked."

* * *

Ally didn't notice when her father walked through the door. Back on the evening shift, Lorenzo returned home after dark to find her simply sitting on the couch. Charlie stretched out across her thighs, his tail wagging back and forth as he delighted in the way Ally was mindlessly scratching his neck. Ally herself stared at the wall on the other side of the room, so lost in thought she didn't even flinch when the door opened and she was no longer alone.

"What happened?" Lorenzo asked. He sat down in a chair adjacent to the couch as she looked over at him with wide eyes, his unanticipated voice pulling her from her thoughts.

"Rez called about an hour ago," she said.

Ally had seen him once since _it_ happened, but only once. He was the first one to show up, able to get to the house faster than either Bobby or her father could once the news got out. He'd found Ally sitting in the grass off to the side, out of the way. She had been numb when he arrived, just watching the emergency personnel fill the house and the yard that suddenly looked so foreign to her, not paying a bit of attention to the flashbulbs, some of which were clearly on her.

A thought that he'd probably be angry with her for that had briefly occurred to her as she'd glanced over her shoulder and saw him heading her way. She'd looked ridiculous, she was sure, sitting there with her dog in a bedazzled stage outfit and stringy hair. She hadn't bothered to change. It was her last show; she'd been so worried. She had just wanted to get home to Jack. When she'd finally felt the presence of the man standing beside her, she'd glanced up at him and asked, in a helpless voice, if they could cancel the fucking tour now.

"I'll finalize it first thing in the morning," Rez had whispered with a solemn nod.

He'd been giving her space since then, only calling to get her approval on something here or there, and Ally welcomed the reprieve.

"How'd that go?" Lorenzo asked.

"They're doing some tribute concert on one of the networks in a few weeks," Ally said, her gaze dropping to her hands and the dog in her lap. She'd been listening to Rez; she really had, but having to convey the details to her father, she found it hard to think straight. "I don't remember which one. Something fancy at the Shrine. Gonna donate all the proceeds to some charity in Jack's name…a mental health one or an addiction one or…something. Maybe both. They want me to sing at the show."

"They have something in mind?" he asked.

Ally shook her head. "They said whatever I want, I guess. I don't…I'm not sure I can do that."

"You don't have to sing," Lorenzo said, as if he were giving her permission to say no. "Everyone would understand."

"I'm gonna have to go, though," Ally said. Lorenzo nodded; he knew as well as she did that she probably couldn't get out of that one. "I don't want to watch other people singing his songs," she said. "Not yet."

"Maybe you can work something out," he suggested. "Just go for appearances, take some pictures."

Ally nodded. "Will you come with me?" she asked, finally looking up at him.

"I'll clear my schedule," he promised.

* * *

She watched the little red numbers on the clock by her father's bed change to read two o'clock in the morning, and Ally sighed. Charlie had been asleep for hours by her side, but her thoughts wouldn't stay still, stages and public appearances and an industry full of people singing songs for her Jack busying her mind. It was inevitable, she knew, if she wanted to keep her career – the first red carpet, the first show without him either there or waiting for her at home. She had hoped to put it off at least a _bit_ longer, but as she fingered her dark hair, she thought the benefit could be a chance to reintroduce herself to the public, show them the performer she wanted to be going forward.

Ally pushed back the covers and gently climbed out of bed. Grabbing the backpack that had been resting against the bedside table since she'd taken over her father's room, Ally reached for her songbook. She took the book to the corner and flipped on a lamp, sinking into a chair, her feet curled beneath her. The ribbon that served as her bookmark rested between the same pages that held the piece of paper she'd found hidden in there a few months ago. Ally pulled that paper out now, putting the book to the side as she opened the loose-leaf page. Seeing his handwriting paralyzed her for just a second before she ran a fingertip gently over the words he'd written, the words he'd written for her, the words he'd wanted her to sing someday. _I kind of hear it in your voice, you know?_ he'd said as she'd peppered his face with kisses while he sat at the piano.

Maybe the last words he'd ever written could be the first words Ally Maine sings in a world without him.

* * *

The next day, Lorenzo came home to his daughter's voice, his favorite sound in the world hitting his ears before he'd even opened the front door. She wasn't singing at her full power, he could tell, but her voice was stronger than it had been when her grief had changed the words to her favorite love song. When he made it inside, he realized she was singing something new, the pencil stuck behind her ear and the pages scattered in front of her a dead giveaway to the fact that she was writing again, and he leaned against the open doorframe, simply listening.

 _Don't want to give my heart away  
To another stranger  
Or let another day begin  
Won't even let the sunlight in  
No, I'll never love -  
I don't want to know this feeling unless it's you and me  
I don't want to waste a moment, ooh…_

As she crooned the end of the last line she'd sung, Ally's head moved with the music, and when she opened her eyes to turn back to the new lyrics she hadn't yet fully memorized, she caught her father watching over her.

"Wh…I…" Ally said, startled, with a laugh. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Not that long," he said, coming in and shutting the door behind him. He walked over to the piano and sat with her at the bench. "I've never been so happy to hear you singin'."

Ally smiled and leaned into his shoulder. "Thanks, Dad."

"Is that new?" he asked.

"Yeah…kind of. Jack started it for me, but it was just a chorus, so I'm trying…I don't know. I'm trying to finish it, I guess. Turn it into a real song."

"Well, what I heard sounded beautiful," he said.

"Maybe I could sing it at the tribute," Ally said.

Lorenzo tried not to smile too widely or too hopefully as he said, "That sounds like a great idea to me."

"I think I want to go by Ally Maine on stage now," she said.

"To honor Jack?" Lorenzo asked.

"I guess," Ally shrugged. "I don't really know why. It's just something I feel."

"What's your manager think of that?"

"I'm…not ready to have that fight; he doesn't know about the hair yet, either," Ally admitted. She looked up at Lorenzo and softly smiled as she said, "But if he doesn't like it, I bet I could find another one."

Lorenzo grinned at her confidence and said, "'Course you could, sweetheart."

"And if I can't, whatever, I'll just film myself singing new songs and put them on the internet," she said with a shrug.

Out of nowhere, then, Ally pivoted on the bench and threw her arms around her father, burying her face into his chest. He instinctively returned the embrace, fearful that she was about to cry, but thankful to find her body still when he rubbed her back.

"What's this for?" he asked.

Ally simply looked up from her place in his arms to meet his eyes. "I get it now," she said quietly.

"You get what?" he asked.

"Why you started drinking so much when Mom left."

"Oh," Lorenzo breathed. A thought crossed his mind, and, with alarm, he asked, "You haven't been…"

"No!" Ally interrupted. She sat back up and muttered, "God, I think I might never drink again. I just…" She met his eyes again and said, "I get how you felt now. At least, I think I do."

Lorenzo shook his head and said, "No, this is worse than what your mom did."

"But you couldn't smash up a hallway and go hide at home," Ally said. "You had to take care of me."

"Sweetheart, you're the reason I didn't end up like Jack after your mom left," he said. "You're the best thing in my world. You were the best thing in Jack's world."

Ally simply pursed her lips and nodded slowly. She didn't quite believe that; she didn't think she'd ever fully believe that, feelings of not having been enough for him doomed to linger within her for the rest of her life, but she appreciated everything her father had done for her, now and then, so she leaned her head onto his shoulder again.

"I switched our rooms back this afternoon," Ally revealed.

"You did?" he chuckled. Ally nodded against his arm. "Does that mean you want me to take you home, too?"

Ally sat up and shook her head. "One thing at a time," she replied.

Lorenzo pat her knee and said, "Well, I'll leave you to this."

He stood from the piano. "You don't have to disappear," she said with a small laugh. "I'm not thirteen anymore; I'm not gonna scream at you if you try to hear a song before it's ready."

"You'll be distracted if I stay," he said. "And a song that beautiful deserves to see the light of day."

She nodded again, smiling sadly as he kissed her hair and headed upstairs. As his footsteps got further and further away, Ally turned to look at a curled-up Charlie on the couch.

"Think Daddy would like what I'm doing to his song?" she asked the dog. Charlie picked his head up and sat up slightly, knowing she was talking to him. Ally grinned. "I hope so," she said.

Ally stretched her fingers and straightened her back as she turned back around to face the piano. She shuffled the music pages to find the beginning of the song, and, with a deep breath, she began to play.

* * *

 _Thank you for reading. Feedback is always appreciated._


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